What to Do When You and Your Partner Have Completely Different Wedding Visions
You want a romantic, candlelit forest ceremony with 30 guests.
They’re picturing a packed ballroom, black tie, and a live band until midnight.
Sound familiar?
It’s so common for couples to have totally different wedding visions—and it doesn’t mean anything’s wrong with your relationship. In fact, this is one of your first big tests in compromise, communication, and shared decision-making. And with the right tools, you can plan a wedding that reflects both of you beautifully.
Here’s how:
1. Hit Pause Before You Panic
Take a deep breath. This isn’t a dealbreaker—it’s a starting point. You’re two different people with different preferences and upbringings. Of course your ideas won’t match perfectly right away.
2. Get to the Why
Instead of fixating on what each person wants (“I want a band,” “I want a DJ,” “I want a mountaintop elopement”), dig into why you want it.
Maybe one of you loves the idea of dancing with your college friends all night. Maybe the other dreams of a quiet moment with family in nature. Once you know the reasons behind each vision, it becomes easier to find overlap.
3. Make a “Must-Have” List—Separately
Write down your non-negotiables without judgment. Then swap lists and highlight any areas of potential compromise or similarity. This creates space for collaboration, not conflict.
4. Hire a Neutral Third Party (Hey, that’s me!)
An experienced wedding coordinator can help bridge the gap and suggest ideas that honor both sides. I’ve worked with couples where one wanted a first look before the ceremony and the other the first look during the ceremony —guess what? We we’re able to find compromise (the bride loved the idea of doing a first look with her bridesmaids and mother!)
5. Combine Your Styles Creatively
Maybe you do a formal ceremony followed by a laid-back taco truck dinner. Maybe you elope on a Friday and throw a big bash on Saturday. Weddings aren’t one-size-fits-all—and yours doesn’t have to be either.
6. Focus on What Really Matters
At the end of the day, this isn’t just about flowers, music, or menu choices. It’s about celebrating your love, your story, and your new chapter together. If your wedding reflects your relationship, even in small ways, it’s already a win.
7. Communicate Often and Kindly
This is your first big planning project as a team—so use it to build trust, listen well, and learn how to meet each other halfway. A wedding is one day; your marriage is the big picture.
Different visions don’t mean you’re incompatible—they mean you both care. With open minds (and maybe a little help from someone who’s been here before), you can build a day that’s bigger, better, and more “you” than either of you imagined.
Need help navigating the planning process when your Pinterest boards don’t match? That’s what I’m here for. Let’s bring your ideas together in a way that feels so right.